With the drink most likely spilt, the man will place blame on the Hussey. Once on the dance floor, wait until you’re dancing near enough to a man with a drink, and trip the Hussey up. If you want to be practical you can easily kick him in the groin, but this guide is about fun, not practicality! Tell the Hussy you want to dance: he will oblige you, thinking this is a good sign.
The counter-attack: The Hussey, as you may have realised, is not a creature of intelligence. The technique: with this the Hussey will attempt to pin your hands up above your head so that you remain defenceless as he has his wicked way with you. 3: The Ancient Pinned-Butterfly Technique. Green lights, high-pitched noises and weasel scented perfume will chase away any and all Husseys invading your private property.
Stealth attraction scam series#
When the dress is pulled up, these invisible wires will activate a series of booby traps to which Husseys are highly sensitive, but which will not disturb the other guests. You need to construct an intricate network of strings attached to your dress. Now the fun method: it only works in your own home because it requires much preparation and interaction with your environment. They will soon give up and leave you alone. Watch and laugh as their human-esque brows furrow in bewilderment.
Stealth attraction scam skin#
Husseys get frustrated and confused if they pull up a dress only to find there is a petticoat immediately under it, and that no extra skin has been revealed. The counter-attack: Now there is a simple method for everyday use and a more complicated one for when you are at a party in your own home and wish to guard against gatecrashing Matt Husseys. It’s not really known what this manoeuvre is intended to accomplish: maybe he wants you to think that he’s already begun the process of disrobing you, so that time can therefore be saved on it later? I don’t know. The technique: The Hussey will place his hands around your waist and without you realising, lift your skirt or dress by a couple of inches. 2: The Double-Twist Skirt-Lifting Manoeuvre With Extra Sleaze The shock is enough for you to escape, meanwhile the Hussey (which cannot get up once he is on his back), rolls around on the floor with his legs and arms waving in the air like an upside-down cockroach. You can feign interest by holding his sides, then fall over and don’t let go, taking him with you. Instead, try to take advantage of the fact that he is standing on one leg. Eventually removal of the head will kill him, but upon removal the rest of the body seizes up, leaving you trapped. Like the praying mantis, the Hussey does not require a head to continue with his sexual endeavours: he thinks primarily with his penis. The counter-attack: Now, most women go for the simple (if messy) “cut off his head with your katana” method, not realising of course, that they are in fact dealing with an entirely new species. It does not matter to the Hussey that there are people watching. He has trapped you by wrapping one of his legs around yours and will not let go. Once there he will distract you with shallow compliments and his damnably attractive English accent so that it is too late for you to escape. The technique: The Hussey will lure you over to a nearby wall, anything he can lean against, really. That is why I have created this helpful guide for recognising and dealing with Hussey strategy, which is known among Hussey herds as “stealth attraction.” At the time all I could think was: ”who the hell does this guy think he is, touching my ass?”Little did I know that I had, in fact, encountered my first Matt Hussey (or to use the Latin, Cranio-Phallicus Maximus). After watching the videos I realised I had myself once been prey to a Hussey.
It ended up being a great bonding experience: there’s nothing quite like getting furious at something together. This new species was brought to my attention today at a friend’s birthday party, and we ended up watching his videos. Their natural habitats include bars and clubs, and they want one and only one thing: poontang. I couldn’t find a close-up, but he has the cold, dead eyes of a lunatic crossed with a panther. Now don’t be fooled: generally Husseys look like ordinary men. As if periods, the pain of childbirth, and constantly being locked in dragon-guarded castles until a stupid knight shows up is not bad enough, we are now being plagued by an entirely new species: Matt Husseys. It has come to my attention that we ladies are facing a new threat.
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